You Will Never Be as Manly as Oliver Reed(that goes double for you women)

Oliver Reed
(is manlier than you)

Ollie as Oliver!'s Bill Sikes. What a scamp!

Oliver Reed was one of the last great real men of cinema and the stuff of folk legend. He was basically the origin of all post-wild west tough-guy clechés. Oliver Reed was the gnarliest honest-to-god-bad-ass ever to portray a bad-ass on screen. Just look at this guy... he looks like Mr.Hyde. He looks like a guy that'll sick the hounds on you. Plus he's got all kinds of street cred from beating up hundreds of strangers in bar fights around the globe. He had knife scars on his face from fights HE WON! He's been stabbed, sucker-punched and clubbed and yet, he always managed to clean the floor with the sorry scoundrel that met his prehistoric gaze. He drank prodigious amounts of booze. Swore. Spat. And was generally the epicenter of a small wandering tornado that obliterated douchbags.

A rare non-menacing pose.

"I have two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry, the other is to sleep with every woman on earth."
(Oliver Reed, paraphrased)

Ollie fondly reminiscing of the time he drank a case of beer, a magnum of wine, a gallon of scotch, beat 25 men at arm wrestling, squeezed 42 pairs of tits, ate an entire side of beef, smoked a box of Cuban cigars, and had sex with everybody.... No wait...he's unconscious in this one... SORRY!

OK, imagine that it's the 60's. You've just been invited to a party up at the spooky mansion by the graveyard across town. The invite was from a "Dr. Acula". You go because it's supposed to be a huge event. On your way up the creaking steps you hear rock-and-roll music but when you listen closely you hear the faint sounds of maniacal laughter, moaning, and chains rattling. You approach the door and use the satanic looking knocker. The door swings open and this is the guy who takes your coat and hat.

He had a great sense of humor and never took himself too seriously. His fingers were like suspension bridge cables. He proudly grew and displayed nearly every possible facial hair combination. It just goes on and on. I can think of no more more worthy a toast that would satisfy the dark forces of the universe that commonly prey on hapless drunks, than to raise one's glass amongst friends gathered around the bar and to roar "To Oliver Reed"

This is about as tough as any man could ever look whilst sitting in a restaurant booth.

• An amazing and absolutely true account of Ollie and Kieth Moon can be found here.
• A vast collection of photographs and anecdotes about the man may be found here.

Alfred Hitchcock

Alfred Hitchcock


http://hitchcock.tv/

John Wayne

The big dog. A real American hero. Marion Robert Morrison. John Wayne. Probably the most iconic American actor of all time. Hell, he represented the ol' red white and blue so well, that Ol' Joseph Stalin ordered his assassination. Luckily for the hundreds of assassins that were basically sent to certain doom, the order was rescinded by Nikita Khrushchev.

When he was born, astrologists and scientists studied him and determined that he would eventually grow to become the manliest man on earth, but the forces exerted by his pure masculinity could result in women being impregnated only by meeting his gaze. This would have catastrophic consequences. So they had to limit his ability from ever reaching his pure form by giving him a girl's name. "Marion" And this is why John Wayne has the same given name as my grandmother.

John Wayne stood anywhere between 6'4" and 9' tall, depending if he was slouching or if he'd accidentally doubled up his shoe lifts.

His fishing boat was a retired mine sweeper.

He could only be killed by an Atom Bomb.

He fell out of favor during the hippie-dippy late 60's but didn't give a damn. He understood why people were pissed off, he just couldn't figure out why they had to be so damn annoying about it.

One time John Wayne was staying in a hotel room in Las Vegas directly below a room where Frank Sinatra was staying. Well Frankie was partying down pretty hard and John normally wouldn't have minded but he had just gone about two weeks on a drinking spree and was really tired. So he walked over to the room and kindly asked Frankie if he'd like to be dangled out the window Sug' Knight style. Then he punched out one of Sinatra's bodyguards and laid him out cold, because old boy was giving him some kind of "You can't talk like that to Mr. Sinatra" shit, and the Duke here was all like "WHAT-EV-ER! I'm gonna talk him how-ever I want! And your music is too loud in here too! So here's some sweet chin music!" and WAM! Right in the kisser! And Frankie was all like "I'm so sorry our loud partyin' has been disturbing your rest, Mr. Wayne. Please forgive me, I don't want to dance your insane tango of death tonight." And the Duke was appeased and went back to his room. True story more or less.